Complete darkness on stage. A pair of green eyes walks from back of stage to front. Spotlight detonates. MARTIAN 1 is illuminated stage front.
MARTIAN 1:I am a Martian from Mars. I am here to conquer your world.
ACTORS IN AUDIENCE:AHHHHHHH!!!!!
Actors in audience totally freak out. They jump from their seats and do cartwheels and flips all over the place.
MARTIAN 1:(shaking his head)Whenever we show up this happens. I’m not here to conquer your world. We just needed some milk because we ran out. Tryin to make cookies…
Spotlight flashes on the exterior of a house stage right. Martian 1 waddles over to it, opens the front door and waddles inside. A female scream is heard.
VOICE OF MARTIAN 1:All I want is some milk, lady.
VOICE OF LADY:I’m callin the cops.
VOICE OF MARTIAN 1:Go ahead and call em. I’ll vaporize them.
VOICE OF LADY:Are you serious? All you want is milk?
VOICE OF MARTIAN 1:Yup.
VOICE OF LADY:Take the milk and go, Martian.
VOICE OF MARTIAN 1:One question. Why all the animosity? Is this cuz I’m green? You never seen a martian before? Don’t you watch cartoons?
VOICE OF LADY:No. I watch the military channel. Take your cow’s milk and get out of here before I believe what I’m seeing.
MARTIAN 1 walkes out of house and back to stage front. He shakes his head and rolls his green eyes.
MARTIAN 1:I’ll be going back to Mars now.
MARTIAN 2:(from above)They give you any trouble?
MARTIAN 1 shakes his head no.
MARTIAN 1:I experienced a slight bit of prejudice and alienism, but I’m over it. She gave me the milk.
MARTIAN 2:It’s to be expected. I’m gonna moon the Curiosity Rover this year! I’ll put the empty milk carton over the lense so they can recycle it!
BOTH MARTIANS LAUGH AS IF THIS IS A TOTALLY HILARIOUS COMMENT.
END OF THIS THING