Sunday, February 12, 2012

Why "Wipeout" is Great Fun and Why "Up All Night" is a Horrendous Show

Wipeout is a great show because it has an assortment of people who fall down.

On ABC’s Wipeout, humans face multi-colored, padded, watered, cream covered, mechanized obstacles which toss them into nets, pools, piles, and pads along the way. A majority of humans find it extremely funny to watch one of their own kind slipping, falling, and wiping out. America’s Funniest Home Videos is a testament to this as well as anytime you see any other humans slipping, falling, or wiping out in a non-television venue.

These events are often made funnier by humans who sustain impacts to vulnerable and sensitive areas of the body during the process of slipping, falling, and wiping out. Obviously when I say vulnerable and sensitive areas of the body I mean the face and genitals.

The contestants appear to have no shame about the millions of people who watch them during the process of getting slipped, falled, and wiped-the-heck-out. It’s enjoyable to watch these humans overcome these obstacles while having fun and shamelessly meeting their goal or getting wiped out trying. They don’t whine or collapse in embarrassment. They get back up after getting the wind knocked out of them. They swim to the ladder and climb back up while their spouses cheer them on. They remove the chin strap from their ear, put it back on their chin and leap over the side one more time, hoping this time they can maintain balance long enough to get to the other side. It’s nice to be in the company of those who don’t spend all their time obsessed with their appearance. Actual fun tends to occur in this kind of company.

Up All Night, on the other hand, is just another example of Hollywood abusing the concept of family. No big surprise. Oh, wait let me take a break to allow Meryl Streep, Barbara Streisand, or Alec Baldwin to spout off condescendingly about something.

…Now we’re back.

Each episode of NBC’s Up All Night continues with the same disgusting concepts which are repulsive to those with actual children. Strangely, their initial advertising for the show seemed to be marketed toward families but seems more effectively marketed toward college students who are still thinking of reasons to be mad at their “dumb” parents who are paying for their extended vacation, I mean “education.”

NBC was pretty close to having something of value when they showed sleep deprived parents begging their newborn to allow them to get a diaper on with phrases like "Please, c'mon, we're trying to help you!"

Parents who have to work for a living, who bust their tails to make enough money for formula and diapers and heat bills, who postpone the corner office in order to raise their children, who remain faithful to their spouse through arguments and discomfort and sleep deprivation, who scuff knuckles trying to get the car seat in right, who bite their tongue when little ears are listening, who lug and drag and pull their dear ones into the doctor’s office when ear infections annihilate any chance of sleep—these kind of parents aren’t slamming shots at the karaoke bar or whining in their mansion overlooking Pacific Coast Highway. When you’re that invested, it’s hard to tolerate the Christina Applegate's character “Reagan.”

Reagan’s culminating moment of motherly introspection is looking dreamily at the life she has created and designating the daughter’s purpose as insurance that she will not be lonely when she is (one of Hollywood’s biggest nightmares!) old. Sorry, but anyone who sees their own children as loneliness insurance is going to be in a bad way on their deathbed. I got a feeling those kids aren’t going to want to be anywhere near that deathbed unless they’re there to pick up their
inheritance check and leave.

A thousand generations of mothers and grandmothers must be sickened by this. Their children dream of a sacred security which is fused with the breath and scent of their mothers. A thousand generations of fathers and grandfathers must look at their mothers, wives, and daughters and take comfort in the fact they chose and cherished women of substance instead of trite, pathetic, selfish women like Reagan and her idiot-mobile friend Ava.

Maybe it’s just entertainment. But maybe America deserves better.

1 comment:

  1. I was sitting around at work, doing nothing...thinking, not something I do often, just happens from time to time, that I haven't heard from Mack in quite a while. Posts are great, hope your doing well. I will be sure to skip this show and I really could go for a good game of wiffle-ball. Not much of the crowd that goes for it here.